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On Persuasive Conversations: Hustlers vs. Connectors

So.

1. We need Persuasive Conversations to survive. Persuasive Conversations can be Organic. Most persuasive conversations aren’t.

2. In sales and marketing, most Persuasive Conversation is Hustling. For the purpose of this blog, Hustling is defined as cajoling or swindling by individuals, groups and institutions into doing or buying something they don’t necessarily want or need.

3. Individuals, groups and institutions that are Hustled oftentimes regret doing or buying the thing the Hustlers had them buy or do. This makes future Persuasive Conversations for the Hustler and everyone else more difficult, because people, groups and organizations will think twice the next time.

4. Because of the internet, people, groups and organizations have tools readily available to them to think twice the first time. Hustlers are now one Google search result away from being found out and having their racket systematically destroyed.

5. Therefore, it is a matter of time before Hustling on the larger scale is practically impossible. In many ways, it already is. In the future, Hustling will be seen as a comedic and anachronistic practice that can only achieved on a one-to-one, one-off basis.

6. The key skill for Persuasive Conversationalists to learn is how to be a Connector.

In other words, Persuasive Conversationalists will have to do a brilliant job:

A. Finding and connecting to the people, groups and organizations to which their offering is suited.

B. Relating to, and understanding the needs of the people, groups and organizations to which their offering is suited.

C. Articulating their offering to the people, groups and organizations to which their offering is suited.

D. Presenting a clear proposal to people, groups and organizations to which their offering is suited.

E. Knowing when to shut up and leave people, groups and organizations alone when the proposal has been accepted or rejected – such that future opportunities are possible with a person, group or organization that has left the Persuasive Conversation informed and empowered to make smart decisions for themselves.

7. Connectors have more diverse skills than the hustler. A Hustler just has an act.

8. Hustlers, like all Inorganic Conversationalists, face an inevitable slump and will find themselves desperately persuading from hand to mouth and/or failing altogether by being slick, dishonest, patronizing and self-absorbed.

9. Connectors, on the other hand, have the opportunity to create sustainable momentum through being intelligent, honest and respectful of the time and needs of others.

10. A great place to dig deeper on Connecting vs. Hustling is Project VRM. The people involved are working on finding ways for people, groups and organizations to connect with Persuasive Conversations on offerings that they want, when they want them.

On Listening

To listen is just as, if not more, vital to conversations (especially those of the organic variety) as it is to speak or to write. Because…

When an organism, group or entity communicates comprehension of the full and “true” continuing experience of another person, entity or group’s communications, the chances of enjoying the sustainable results of organic conversations are increased.

The tough news about listening is that no amount of tips, tricks, pointers or helpful hints will make someone a good listener that produces sustainable results. The skill of listening well is non-linear state of being, and states of being cannot be generate with ordinal 1-2-3 how-to’s. Communication would be far, far less complicated if this were the case. With that in mind, here’s 10 generalities to point people towards listening a productive direction:

1. It’s not just what being said, it’s what’s being unsaid. Noting what is not being openly communicated, is vital to listening.

2. It’s not just what’s being unsaid, it’s what’s IN the unsaid. Somebody has to lead those elephants in the room.

3. Acknowledgment and recreation of what one has said is a characteristic of listening.

4. It’s all in the questions. Questions communicate comprehension while moving the conversation forward.

5. Listening provides a map of conversational boundaries and a map to the treasure.

6. A trained monkey with open eyes would know when they have lost someone. This is not

7. Missed details, especially within one interaction, put people off. This especially applies to e-mail.

8. Your (and your organizations) reality is a filter between you and other people’s communication. It is always good to listen with the context that not everyone has the same experience in the world with you.

9. People want to be heard. Being listened to is an “I love you”. And remember, love is just acceptance. That is all. It doesn’t have to be complicated, nor does it have to be scarce. Someone holding the door for you is an example of an “I love you”.

10. Don’t overdo it. Don’t underdo it. The rare golden moments come when this happens.

Organic Conversationalists: Common Craft

The latest and greatest in technology will be accepted at a miserably slow pace, and profits related to that acceptance will come at an exceedingly slow rate, until we have armies of geeks doing what Common Craft is doing:

The Stages of Twitter

For those of you who don’t know what Twitter is, click here to take a look, and then come back. Post in the comments section if you have any questions. If you don’t have time for that, here’s the one-sentence explanation of Twitter: Twitter is an online service in which users may share messages of up to 140 character with followers (and the general public, if one so opts), and read other 140-character-or-less messages from users they are following. Click here to see my twitter page and see this in action.

So here’s the main idea:

Once people become comfortable with the medium, Twitter becomes a very powerful tool for Organic Conversations.

To repeat concisely for the first-time visitors, Organic Conversations are a form of communication that produces sustainable results without undue force.

Twitter’s 140 character limit allows for only the most adroit bullshitters to put on their “schticks” or “acts”, which is why I love it so. However, many see Twitter as a rather odd and self-indulgent tool in which people tediously report everything one does, e.g. “I just ate a pastrami on multigrain with ballpark mustard.”. However, if users have the patience to build up a network of followers and people to follow, allowing themselves to grow within the medium, Twitter becomes an amazing conversational tool.

After observing myself and other users of Twitter transition from novices to power users, I have noticed some stages of discovery and growth in this medium. Outlining these stages may be helpful. These stages are not linear. In other words, people can be in one of these stages at any time, some do not “progress” beyond any of these stages, and some may leapfrog to powerful use and not go through any of these stages at all. Nevertheless, here they are:

Stage 1: Following Twitter’s Instructions by Answering “What are you doing?”
: See the “pastrami on multigrain” example above, or think of it like away messages on instant messenger software like AIM. The new users oftentimes find themselves bewildered and express a lack of creativity as a result.

Stage 2: The Bitching Depository:
Users oftentimes find Twitter a convenient place to unload negative sentiment about coworkers, the family, the guy listening to music too loudly on the subway, people in general and so on. Twitter doesn’t give back odd looks, unwanted cheerleading sessions or much else in reply. Or, as you would hope from a group of your like-minded friends and colleagues, a complainer’s followers will validate one’s negative opinions, leaving one feeling affirmed, justified and more able to navigate a perfectly annoying world. For a while, at least.

Stage 3: Discovering the @:
When users on twitter use an @, it signifies she or he is saying something directly to another user or are replying to another user. Twitter’s “replies” tab allows users to see when people @ them, even if the user is not following the person who @’s them. Users discover they can have short conversations. This is where the magic begins to happen.

Stage 4: Discovering Friends of Friends:When the people users follow @ other users, one gets a periscope into the social graph and the people within the social graph that may be interesting or entertaining to them. For instance, I’m into videoblogging. By watching where the @’s are going amongst my videoblogging friends and looking at their Twitter pages, I have made additional friends and contacts. Unlike MySpace, Facebook or other social networking platforms, I get a concise view of people in action by checking people’s twitter pages, not just a static snapshot. People are constantly auditioning for me to be a follower, and vice-versa for them, but there’s no pressure or humiliation involved.

Stage 5: The Sustainable Results of Personal Microblogging: In this stage, Twitter has transformed from a bewildering website to a valuable tool, as true sharing occurs in 140 character conversational spurts. New friendships and groups are created. Helpful, not hypeful, links and other resources are are shared. Time is saved, as there is less e-mail going back and forth to ask questions, catch up with friends and family and so on.

At a conference I was attending a few months ago, a participant told us that Twitter was doing amazing things at an undisclosed medium sized-business in Germany that had all employees following each other on Twitter. As a result of their sharing, she said, the co-workers felt they were closer to each other, trusted each other more and showed marked increases in productivity. In other words, the company produced sustainable results by having Organic Conversations on Twitter. And if they can do it, anyone can.

On the Naysayers

Look.

I’m not naive to the fact that many readers of the content on this blog, most especially the basic building blocks, are likely to think that all of this is a bunch of namby-pamby, psychobabbly, pass-the-pipe, lets-hold-hands-and-sing BS. As I’ve said repeatedly, the quick results of “schticks” or “acts”, are tantalizing and do not lend to people looking inward.

But here’s what’s worse:

The causes of unsustainable, inorganic conversations are nasty and confronting – to the point that many people have strong negative and dismissive reactions to this conversation, preferring to move on to their next “schtick” or “act”.

Here’s my scribbled thoughts on this in no certain order (non-linear):

Organic is not the same thing as nice. Nice is not sustainable. Nice is a “schtick” or “act” that does not necessarily resonate, but it can open conversational partners to the possibility of a sustainable conversation. Nice is a tactic; it is not a strategy.

Any notion that we as human beings are “in control” is an illusion, and giving up that illusion at some point or another is necessary for Organic Conversation to take place. The world is set up for people to be addicted to their illusions of control. Many people feel unsafe, stupid and a range of other negative emotions when giving up their illusions of control. Therefore, to abandon controlling tactics to force some sort of outcome is not only a giant leap, but an awkward leap.

The world of sales and marketing is set up like this, and it doesn’t have to be:

Many people love that scene. It is a good “schtick” or “act”, isn’t it? What Alec Bladwin preaches is NOT sustainable and therefore is NOT organic. I’ll go deeper into the content of the video at another time.

Organic Conversations are perceived as not worth the bother, but this comes at a cost. Forcing outcomes communicates that to a person that they are not a person, but a forced outcome like a sale, a donation or a new user. While this produces a result, the outcome-forcer loses the possibility of a sustainable conversation at most, an easy conversation at least.

In one way or another, Inorganic Conversationalists live in constant fear that their “schtick” or “act” will be discovered. Perhaps this is the most confronting thing of all.

Rosie O’Donnell: Organic Conversationalist

This morning, I read on Perez Hilton’s website (which I read with ambivalence) that Rosie O’Donnell has canceled all media appearances related this week’s launch of her book Celebrity Detox. Instead, Rosie has opted to post a series of video interviews about the book on her blog, and to continue answering questions from the general public about everything and anything on the “Ask Ro” section of her blog.


In a global media culture in which celebrities unendingly cash in on the unsustainable schticks and acts, Rosie O’Donnell has remained a sustainably powerful media figure due to her courageous willingness to have Organic Conversations with the general public.

This is a blog, which brings a different style of reading, so I’ll continue making my points with little Sontag-esque bites:

1. O’Donnell’s story supports my theory that anyone who is willing to be “real”, or “organic” can have a very powerful conversation with the world. Rosie’s the first to tell you she’s a fat lesbian (the latter took a while to say, but not without organic reason), which is exactly why she is so successful. By “telling on herself”, Rosie allows the people who can move on to other aspects of her personality, like being wickedly funny, to do so.

2. Rosie’s organic presentation of herself allows the everyday to be aspirational. By being her organic self, she opens her fans, most especially women, to the possibility that they could be fabulous in their own way as well.

3. In addition, Rosie’s organic presentation is the ultimate expression of her love and respect for people, as people know what to expect from her and can make a clear choice.

4. Because of this, it can be said that Rosie O’Donnell one of the most courageous celebrities around.

5. The world of celebrity and the purpose it serves could change if there were more that courageously followed Rosie O’Donnell’s example, but this is not the easiest thing to do in a world run by the inorganic.

On Apple’s Pending Slump, Part II

The unfolding story of the iPhone, on the macro level, is indicative of Apple’s systemic problems with communicating and responding to its customers and to software developers. If Apple fails to improve its ability to organically communicate with their consumer and developer audiences, Apple’s pending slump will turn into an inevitable slump.

So there’s that. There’s plenty of blog discussion about the grievances with Apple, so rather than joining the choir, I offer the following suggestions:

1. Listen.

And let us know you are listening through blogs, interactive video sessions, etc. Events in which Apple gives essentially one-way speeches about products and services to press, consumers and software developers is no longer enough. There is a huge basket of unresolved grievances about Apple’s corporate behavior. The longer these grievances remain unresolved, the closer Apple gets to critical mass when it comes to negative sentiment. Letting products do most of the talking is short-sighted and risky. Expand the conversation to protect yourselves over the long-term.

Bonus: For a host of reasons that make complete business sense, allow individuals other than Steve Jobs to be Public Conversationalists for Apple. Think of what Scoble did for Microsoft, and do what you do best - outshine that.

2. Strongly declare the “Think Different” era over…or reinforce that historic brand character in your conversations.

Either choice is fine, but choose. The source of all upset is unfulfilled expectation. We’ve been expecting John Lennon because you told us you were. We’re upset because you’re giving us Donald Trump without telling us. Longtime Apple loyalists, which are among the loudest, are confused and have begun to stop believing in you because of this. Quit giving us mixed signals and boldly declare who you are.

3. Start calculating “Opportunity Loss”.

Being a crappy conversationalist affects the bottom line. The problem is that I know of no entity that figures “Opportunity Loss” as a result of decisions made into their balance sheet. It’s been a long-held belief of mine that these types of figures are almost as important as hard sales figures, as they clearly identify the loss of productivity associated with the loss of easy growth opportunities like return customers, happy productive workers, and so on. A good example of this is in Joseph Jaffe’s latest post about Toys ‘R Us’ ‘paper receipt required’ return policy, in which he projects the amount of people the policy upsets and what this costs Toys ‘R Us.

If Apple calculated the “Opportunity Loss” of not selling the iPhone through multiple carriers, of not having an open API (or at least a pre-launch SDK) for developers, of sending out hardware/software/firmware updates before they were fully tested, and so on, I am clear they’d be in for a bit of a shock and change their behavior quickly.

For example:

A. The iPhone conversation alone is starting to have the kinds of people who buy and recommend Apple desktops and laptops think twice before buying or recommending.

B Furthermore, because of the iPhone conversation, software developers are definitely thinking twice before developing for the Mac.

C. Lack of OSX-compatible software is a major reason why consumers and purchasing departments choose PC’s over Macs.

D. Desktops and laptops are the most highly priced and highly profitable products Apple has on the market.

E. Therefore, the “Opportunity Loss” of the sadly inorganic iPhone conversation could translate into future Quarterly Loss.

4. Capitalize on the unparalleled devotion of your base by boldly admitting your mistakes, apologizing for them and explaining what you’re doing to fix the situation.

For example, if a software update is untested and we as consumers should download with care, then loudly tell us before we lose time and patience. Potential lawsuits are no excuse. Those come no matter what you do. However, bold pre-emptive action tends to stop the bleeding.

5. Create conversations that assist long-term consumers in transitioning to your latest products happily.

Respect the fact that there’s a culture of people that spend heaps of money on your brands. Some of these people beg, borrow, and steal because they love your brand so much. But there’s a bulding residue of resentment that comes with each product upgrade (e.g. the iPhone’s 3G version, the move to Power PC in the 90’s, etc.) that is becoming increasingly difficult to cleanse. See “Opportunity Loss” above and help your longtime base of consumers choose the right time to buy.

At first glance, all of the suggestions above look like something that could/would negatively affect stock prices, sales figures, etc., but I strongly assert that conversating Organically will deliver more in the long-term. This is the frightening aspect of having an organic conversations. Being open, direct and acknowledging opens one up to risk. The thing we tend to forget, though, is that every moment is a risk. Why not take smarter risks, Apple, like the ones listed above?

On Apple’s Pending Slump - Halftime Entertainment

Via CrunchGear, a video reminder of Apple not being responsible for its own conversation.

First, an archival advert from Apple:

Next, a parody about open source developers locked out of the iPhone fun:

On Apple’s Pending Slump - Part I

The unfolding story of the locked-up iPhone is a conversational failure that has squandered the opportunity presented by a superior product and the massive enthusiasm of influential early-adopters for the sake of profit-taking and the delusion illusion of control. The iPhone story is also indicative of Apple’s conversational problem: Apple lets the products do the talking, and that mode is beginning to show signs of bankrupting itself.

It’s difficult to dispute that Apple has had a streak of slickly-designed, user-friendly and groundbreaking products since CEO Steve Jobs returned to the then-struggling company in 1997. Their characteristically (some say cultishly) loyal customer base has widened with massively popular products like the iPod. Apple has weathered the inherent problems that come with popularization with profitable schemes like the brick-and-mortar Apple Retail Stores that offer rapid-response service and repair along with product sales. So far, there has been more to cheer than to jeer. Enough cheering, in fact, for snafus like unacknowledged product defects and the iTunes DRM controversy to be effectively swept under the rug. The positive conversation about the products and household name status of the iPod has always been louder than any negative conversation for the past ten years. The launch of the iPhone and the subsequent story represents a turning point for Apple, however, punctuated by the release of the device-crippling iPhone firmware update.

Never before has Apple launched a product that so depended on other corporate entities, despite its not necessarily needing to. Instead of staying true to its historically disruptive brand character by busting the locked-up phone system in the US, Apple went with the status quo. Any trained monkey, let alone any half-awake marketing professional, knows how much the locked-up, customer-unfriendly US mobile carriers are held in disdain by the consuming public (see Consumerist). Apple could have profited handsomely by being consistent with their disruptive brand conversation and trumping the mobile carriers’ phone-locking practices with the iPhone – a device which finally makes navigating the mobile web simple for the everyman.

Instead, Apple chose to betray its character via the more “sure thing” of the status quo and a dotted-line deal, signing a heavily Apple-favored agreement with AT&T to be the sole service provider for the iPhone. Of course, in what can be seen as a sign of the strength of this disruptive brand history, methods of unlocking the iPhone for use on other mobile carriers worldwide had been uncovered within weeks of its release. What more could Apple expect of its early-adopter customers considering the image it had portrayed of itself as an alternative underdog for years?

Apple’s response, for what amounts to an eternity in the tech world, was silence about the issue until Steve Jobs’ ‘game of cat and mouse‘ quote about iPhone hackers at the UK iPhone launch event. 5 days of additional silence later, a press release comes out saying the next firmware update would render unlocked and hacked iPhones “permanently inoperable”. Attentive unlockers and hackers then begin frantically re-locking and erasing unauthorized third-party applications before the firmware update does this for them…or worse. The following Thursday, firmware 1.1.1 is released. The reports start trickling in from throughly upset iPhone owners, some of which did not unlock the device, claiming that their phone is bricked (rendered inoperable). The rule-followers were inconvenienced, and the rule-breakers that Apple so carefully cultivated as their customer base for years were out a device for which they paid hundreds of dollars. What’s worse, many of the cool apps that made iPhones sing prettier, look prettier and be more fun to play with had to be erased before the firmware did that for iPhone owners…or worse. Rightly or wrongly, loyal Apple customers are experiencing varying levels of frustration with the iPhone, and the negative conversation has finally gotten louder than the positive. Their great products were their winning schtick, but their crap conversation with consumers is putting Apple at an important crossroads.

Part II tomorrow.

On What’s Next

I promise you, the reading here will be lighter from here on.

Here’s what to expect:

  • Refining of the building blocks below. This isn’t the easiest thing to understand.
  • Case Studies showing what works and what doesn’t work in conversation, with a focus on Web Technology and Web Technologists. I will do my best to catch people doing things right as much as or more than I catch people doing things wrong.
  • Conversation with you, the reader, if you want. I am especially interested in hearing how I can make the conversation better.
  • Whatever else comes up that fits the confines of a conversation about having conversations like a human being.
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